Tuesday, 2 March 2010

The Evil Lamp

In 1981 the late actor David Niven wrote a novel, Go Slowly, Come Back Quickly.  I recalled the book a couple of days ago as I bade farewell to the month of February, wishing it to go quickly and come back slowly.  It had promised to be such a happy month, scattered as it was with family birthdays and anniversaries, but things unravelled fairly quickly from the time I turned up for a routine blood test - the type the doctor sends you on after you reach what they think is the geriatric stage of your life.

Nurse Dracula couldn't get blood out of the vein in my arm, but after a lot of poking and prodding, she finally got her fill.  Meanwhile I was doing one of those inside-your-head screams.  Within a day my arm looked as though it had been stamped on by a horse.  Hisself and I joked that the neighbours would think there had been a little bit of a domestic going on in Chez Fudge. 

Two nights later they had even more reason to believe that something was amiss.  I woke a little after midnight finding myself screaming.  I had a sore head and was covered in shattered glass.  Apparently when you are woken violently from a deep sleep, you instinctively scream, well, at least I do. 

By the time poor Tony had leapt out of bed and turned on the light, it became clear that somehow my bedside lamp had come crashing down on my head, which sustained a small cut.  I am not good with blood.
After we looked at the chaos, we slowly ealised what had happened.  I had a stack of books on top of some other books set between bookends.  Slowly, over a couple of hours, the books slid down, knocking over the lamp onto my head, shattering into literally thousands of pieces. 

Here is a picture of the Good Lamp on Tony's pristine bedside table...

... and here is  a picture of the Evil Lamp on my not-so-tidy bedside table.  Spot the difference?  I have promised myself to cull the books and mags so that it will look like this really soon ...

... but not quite yet.  Too many books to finish.

The neighbours hadn't called the police, so we were in the clear.  A couple of days later the needle in my sewing machine snapped in half, sending the pointy end with pinpoint accuracy onto my face.  Another little scream.

Last Friday I was overlocking a dress for our BiDM Market this Saturday and didn't notice that the extension cord had somehow become tangled around my sewing chair.  I stood up, became caught up in the cord and, yes, well, I screamed again as the overlocker came crashing to the floor.  It did not survive.  By now our neighbours are convinced that I am married to a monster, and don't forget I have the bruised arm to prove it.

With the market deadline looming and no other option, it was time to make the painful decision to buy a new overlocker.

Luckily the next morning I located a dealer close by who had a special on this Janome.  With the retired machine sulking away in the background, at least I finished the month with a new, if unwanted, overlocker.

So I say welcome to March.  It is a very soggy start to Autumn with most of the State sitting under tropical rain, but at least the dams are filling and the local butcher birds have found shelter under the eaves. 

All's well in the world.


Sally said...

Oh Robyn, what a month.
I am glad you have survived it, and with such humour too.
Enter safely into March my dear xx

Anonymous said...

Actually...why haven't the neighbours called the police yet? Whatever happened to neighbours who would look out for each other? What an uncaring age we live in...

mimoo said...

oh no I hope your head is ok? poor you and I hope the pain medication does not affect your productivity in the lead up to saturday!
This will cheer you up - congratulations!

Chrisy said...

Oh darlin no wonder you want February to 'go quickly'...I know the stamped on by a horse arm! If you ever have to have any more blood tests, tell them you want a butterfly line...it's much thinner...they use it for babies and children...and it makes a huge different if you have 'fine' veins...will keep a look out for a battered bruised woman with a crazed look on her face!

Hey Harriet said...

Oh your poor thing Robyn! Now about the extension cord under your sewing machine...I recall seeing a pic you had posted a while back of your studio space. And I remember being concerned about cords running all over the place. I think I may have even had a little dig at you about it. You see, I did have cause to nag you! Now please be careful. I'm just glad that you were not seriously hurt! The shattered lamp was kind of funny though...I tried really really hard to not laugh. I wish you a happy and safe remainder of the week with your market preps!